Dangg.


Shall make a quickkk post before I go and study, because I AM a diligent and a hardworking girl. Hehs, Felicia didn't come to school today. Ohwells, Leon tricked me, saying he was born in China and migrated to Singapore when he was very young. And shit that Wenda for nodding her head when I asked her was it real. I actually believed lor, plus I kept questioning Leon, asking things like how come he didn't have a Cheena accent or he don't have the Cheena look. And during maths, we were playing tic tac toe, he is the childish one, not me!

After school, board the 156 with Cheryl, Fiona, Wenda and Zhehao. Some idiots didn't want to move into the rear of the bus, hence we were trapped at the front area. I was squeezed, damn. My butt hurts because some Kiasu aunties went "excuse me excuse me" and PUSHED and SHOVED their way through the crowd of people. Damn those aunties.

Yuhming boarded the bus too! Walked to her house and I went to find Boyfriend, Ivana and Bryan. Studied, duh I am a good girl what. Then Ivana went to work and Bryan sent her there. Slacked around, I slapped boyfriend, muahahaha. Went home next.

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I'm not criticizing the skin for the tkd blog. And I'm not being mean by saying that the tkd blog looks ugly as in the profile and the post parts. The headings and second headings are changed into a stupid single dotted line. I'm not being mean or whatsoever lor, I have the rights to comment on it. I just cannot take the fact that the skin I made which was nice, TO ME has become some ugly skin. Siannned. & I shall shut up now before some people start scolding me. Grrrr.

;♥

Shagged.


I want to kill that Ivana right now. She only told me that the charity thingy was canceled when I asked her this morning, otherwise I'll be at orchard. Anyways, thanks to her, I had to cancel my study plans with friends. Now I'm stuck at home, studying. Ji dan.

& lately, I realised that I can tear very easily. Even over small matters, when people get angry with me, I start to tear. The only thing I wanted to do then was to cry it out loud and run away to a place where I can be all alone. Am I weak?

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Yesterday, went home with Wenjie and she is such a newbie in taking bus. Wenjie damn funny lah, when we boarded the new 156 ( with the orange lights )
Wenjie: This bus accept coins anot?
Charmaine: Of course lah. You think what?
Wenjie: I thought this bus only accept ez-link.
Charmaine: Wowwww, this bus super advance leh.
Wenjie: *gave me the -.- face* The coins throw where?
Charmaine: There. *points to the coin-throwing-machine*
*boards the bus*
Wenjie: *walks past the coin-throwing-machine and to the ticket-machine*
Charmaine: Where you going? Throw there lah! *starts laughing out loud*
Wenjie: *feels so paiseh* LOL.

Wenjie ALMOST threw her coins to the ticket-machine. How dumb can she get, lol! It was so fun sitting bus with her. Hohos, I love her to bits. C: I kept irritating her with my baby voice by calling "mummy" over and over again. & She ignored me -.-

Had tkd training yesterday, was still okay. Had supper with Andy, Mandy, Mr Tan and Queenie. Went home next. Had a little talk with Andy & don't worry, I'll give you my answers next time we meet. C:

;♥

Gosh.


Charmaine is a kind-hearted girl, Because Charmaine is going down to orchard this Saturday to do Charity work from 1pm to 5pm. Actually, I didn't want to go because I have to focus on my studies. Then Ivana started her crap saying like "One day only" all these stuffs, so I was like go then go luh.

Charmaine is a naughty girl because she is blogging in school.

Charmaine is a heartless girl as she made someone upset.

Charmaine is sad because she is hungry.

Charmaine is Jealous because the lower secondary students are having their recess right now.

Charmaine is happy because she scored 22/50 for her Maths test.

Charmaine is sianned because Exams are coming in a week's time.

Charmaine is angry because someone or some people meddled with her codes.

Charmaine is at lost because she don't know whether to keep her mouth shut or not at them.

Charmaine is laughing because zhehao had to squeeze in the 156 bus on Tuesday.

Charmaine is proud of herself because she know that she will be taller than Zhehao & Maojie.

Charmaine is lame because she is typing all these nonsenses.

Lol.

;♥

I'm a good girl!


I studied till 12am yesterday, because I couldn't sleep. Charmaine is a diligent girl, C:


Anyways, my friends are having family problems and it kind of saddens me too know about it. Even though I don't have rights to go really comment about it. ( wait a minute, I've post this kind of topic before )

I have friends, not one but a lot, telling me that they hate their parents, and wished that they can have so and so's parents instead. But then think about it, every parents are unique and they definitely have pros and cons. Even though some parents care too much about, but at least they still care? It's way much better than they don't even know a shit thing about you right? My daddy don't even know how old am I, crap right? I remembered spending times happily with both of them on Sunday at Pasir ris Park. Then all of a sudden, he became so cold because of certain reasons that I do not want to tell. Anyways, he is working in China until I don't know when so I guess I'm considered or partly considered as fatherless? Sometimes, I feel so angry and upset inside when I am suppose to fill my daddy's personal particulars & I don't even know why I feel that way. Sometimes, I would prefer to leave all those blanks as blanks but mummy will tell me not to do that because it isn't right.

But friends, your parents are still your parents after all. Do not curse them to die just because they reprimand you at that moment and you feel like crushing them and stabbing them to their death. If you calm down and sort your thinking out, you will realize that they care about you so much and you will regret what you have said or done. Maybe it will all be too late then? Then you will grow up, devoid(?) of parental love. But do remember, no child is ever a burden to his or her parents.

I'm so naggy, dang -.-
I'll edit this post when I get home today, because I'm typing in a rush at school. Hahs.

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[edit]

Kangwei says I've grown up, and I think so too. I don't know. I think I've learned from people around me, people telling me to always be positive no matter what happens, because every ending are fated no matter how hard you try or want to change it. So we should just live our lives happily and not live with misery. Make sense? Why don't we use those time that we have that is used to scold and curse, and telling your story to others, to go figure out how to make things better instead of worsening it.

This phrase, from the book, tuesdays with Morrie, has always been in my mind:
Love each other or die.

Think about it.
[/edit]

;♥

Gah.


My next post will probably appear after EOY exams end.

No wonder I can't find any Dutch Lady milk nowadays because AVA has suspended the import and sale of milk and Dairy products from China because they founded melamine contamination in it. And crap lah, only the strawberry flavoured milk is affected, and I've always been drinking it.

The term "melamine" is also used to describe melamine resin, a plastic material. Melamine is sometimes unethically added to food products in order to increase the apparent protein content. Standard tests such as the Kjeldahl and Dumas tests estimate protein levels by measuring the nitrogen content, so they can be misled by adding nitrogen-rich compounds such as melamine . Melamine may have been added to fool government quality tests after water was added to fraudulently increase the milk's volume. The adulterant melamine was added to the milk to allow the company to dilute the milk with water and circumvent government regulations, since melamine will cause a false increase in the measurement of protein by increasing the nitrogen levels in the milk.

Luckily, I'm not an infant or a baby, if not, I'll probably suffer from malnutrition or acute kidney failure.

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I had a dream on Sunday night about me choosing which kind of death do I want. I was given two choices, either I will die in a plane crash or I will get eaten up by a tiger. And I chose the plane crash without hesitation.

It's kinda scary if you think about it, but with all the frustration and everything, I guess I don't mind. I wonder if my dream will come true, I guess I'm kinda affected by it. Just worrying if I should just cherish my life now. Gee, this sucks.

;♥

Mood: Peaceful.


Okay, the peaceful thing was just a random feeling. After blogging, I promise I'll study & of course, I don't lie C:

Had a speech day rehearsal yesterday after school, but before that, Wenjie and I had lunch together, and I still can't believe she ate vegetables yesterday and she said it was sweet. Vegetables are sweet meh? I thought they were bitter, well to me. Anyways, she went back to the guitar room while I went up to the hall. Had a little practice before the rehearsal started, Liying was sooo self-conscious(?) about herself zhao gen-ing when we were cart wheeling. I mean, you won't die when people see your belly area for a short while right? Hahas, anyways I tucked my shirt a little bit, but Liying tucked all the way in. She's so funny lah, and I mean it in a good way. Rehearsal was so fun because jiaxin was making a fool of herself, LOL. We were playing behind the curtains and jiaxin gave a false alarm that the curtain was opening. So everyone ran back to the starting position, hahahas. Had 2 rehearsals before we were dismissed. Bused home with Liying afterwards.

Met Mandy and Queenie @ 1845. Took bus 70 to paya lebar mrt. During the bus ride, there was this girl who was really kind of weird. I'm not being bad by laughing at her, but then they way she laughed and talked was laughable. She was so monotoned when she talked and laughed, her laughter was like a witch can. Then Queenie was being so mean by going "SHHHH". Laughs! Anyways, we trained to Simei when we alighted.

Met the rest and off we went to Changkat. The training was alright, queenie injured herself, and being the nice girl I am, I lent her a helping hand by being her walking stick, hahas. Since Mr Tan is all the way in shanghai, we walked with the rest to Tampines mrt and trained to paya lebar whereby AndyTay, Mandy, Queenie and I alighted. AndyTay was really nice because he sent us home. Speaking of AndyTay, he is a big sore looser can! I told him a lot of jokes on our way to the mrt, and he kicked me because I fooled him. Well, the thinking process of an old uncle is always so slow. :} So I shall forgive him. Went home, bathed and collapsed on my bed. I kept wondering if he caught the last bus home, because if he didn't, I would laugh my ass off. Hahas, so I messaged him and he did catch the last bus, damn. Lol. C:

Woke up @ 0810, bathed and went down to yangzheng. Kangwei and Zibing came down too. I had fun with some of the juniors, hahahas. They are so adorable lah. Going for xiaoyan's dance concert later at night, was suppose to meet boyfriend but he couldn't make it but I'm still meeting prissaye, so it's cool.

I should study now, I am a diligent and a hardworking girl!
Lol.

;♥

Mood: C: & l:


I'm going to file up my chemistry stuffs and revise my maths because I haven't been really listening in Mr Lam's lesson since the day he started to teach us the circle's arch thingy. Since yesterday, Felicia has been doing maths assessments during lesson time, so I feel that I should at least start on my maths since I'm like so many chapters behind. Gee, SA2 is around the corner & I'm not prepared actually. I remember studying the night before for science during SA2, I wonder how the heck did I did that and I scored a B3. Hohos. Dance was enjoyable, was laughing my ass off with Sharon, Jiaxin and a few of my juniors. Bused home with Jiaxin, had a nice chat.

I feel like an outsider, ohmygoddddd. -.-

That's all for today, I guess. Toodles.

;♥

So things are back to normal, my life is getting better I suppose. Everyone have faults, so I've learned to be more open-minded. C:

During POA lesson, I raised my voice at Kenneth because he was being such an asshole by not cleaning the whiteboard even though he is sitting right in front. You can say I lost my temper, whatever. I was super mad at that moment can. But it's over anyways. Girl, if you don't like me, fine. Stop acting like a bitch will you? Oh maybe you are one, zz. I did not say bad things about you so you shouldn't say stuffs about me which you already did. Crap.

I'm changing my blogskin AFTER Sa2, which I haven't prepared yet, sighhhhhs.

;♥

Mood: Bored.


They could be the best friends you ever had, but believe me in this, friends come and go. You should cherish who is all with you more and not keep thinking about your group of best friends. If they really come to a point where they never think for you, you will soon realise what true friends are, but i still hope that they will not forget about you.

This, woke me up. Thank you radish korkor.
I've learned from my mistakes, I won't get distracted anymore.

;♥

What Charmaine Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

;♥

:C
I'm breaking down.

I actually felt so much better, but down I feel like crying all over again and I did. I feel so left out and everything, maybe I should just MIA kay. I'm always the last to know, I'm always the most unimportant friend, I can be dead and I bet you guys won't even know. Kick me aside and leave me to die right? By choosing dates whereby I'm not free and insisting to go out without asking me just makes me feel like scrap. I had it okay, by doing this, more tears are just going to flowing down. All the insider jokes that you guys made, I don't understand any of them. Do you guys know the feeling of that? How hurtful and how unpleasant the feeling is. By laughing along made me such a fool, I could just tear at that moment. I feel so distant with you guys now, & I don't want that to happen. Because I'm unimportant, because I've changed? Is that why we are like this? I'm always not there for the gathering and outings because you guys always always insist of going out without me. It wasn't like this last time, we would make sure everyone's free then we will all go out together, all 6 of us. Why is it so different now? It's always 5 of you now, I'm excluded. I really don't get it. No one asks me when you guys are having a conference, great. Call me sensitive, call me selfish, call me petty-minded for all I care, because this matter means a lot to me. Do I still belong in the group? I really wonder, it's like you guys are starting to dislike me. I have so many questions in my mind, I feel so dead once again. Kudos to you people...

Charmaine, do you know why this kind of things happen to you? Because you suck. Stop crying you weakling because crying won't solve anything you know. You can cry till your death but do your friends care?

All I can do is to cry, because this is how miserable I feel inside me. Why me? You know what, I hate myself. If I can die, I would because what's the point of living miserably with all these problems? The feeling sucks alright.

No more tears Charmaine, smile. Be the happy girl you used to be alrights? Love yourself more than you hate yourself.

Charmaine Tan Yu Ling is a failure in friendships.
Charmaine Tan Yu Ling is a crybaby.
Charmaine Tan Yu Ling should just die.

Happy first month boyfriend ♥
Thanks for all the care and concern, I really appreciate it. I love you more than anything else, you are my bestfriend as well as my boyfriend.

you're always loved and missed.

;♥

Urgh.


Ignore my previous post. I don't know what's wrong with me this few days or even weeks. How much have I changed? I feel that I have changed uh, but I'll try and change back. Just give me time people, I know I can be how I used to. I'm sorry friends.

;♥

:C


I'm forgotten, and my name or myself didn't even appear on you people minds. I just felt so damn sad can. Like all of a sudden, I'm so extra and I don't belong there. Even though you people planned, I was still forgotten the next day. Great, put yourselves into my shoes, how would you feel. It's not that I don't want to go for outings and stuff, I'm just not free. Understand? And worst, you totally totally totally forgot about me. I really don't know what to do, I'm tired, I'm very tired. I just feel so so so sad whenever I think about this, I want to cry.

Anyways, I don't think anyone will understand how I feel. I know this is just a small matter but then it means a lot to me. Maybe I'm just over-sensitive, I don't know. What are friends to me?
The friends I need will always be there for me no matter what. I have no mood for anything now, I feel so dead.

I'm just a pain in the neck, I'm a burden, I'm not even a tiny bit important, I'm all negetive, I suck.

but thanks wenjie and kangwei for comforting me. You guys are the best.

[edit]
No one bothers to call, to text or to ask.
[/edit]

;♥

:C


Charmaine is so unimportant, yay for her. Might as well kill her right?
Sianned!

;♥

C:


Sorry for the lack of post dudes. I was either too lazy or I didn't have time, heh. Today, I woke up late so I reached school late. Dance started at 9am and I reached there at 9.20am. I was suppose to go to Miss Lim's chemistry class but in the end, I didn't feel like going. Leon came to school for nothing, I feel so bad. Leon, if you read this, I owe you one okay. Dance was alright, walked to the bus stop with Sharon and Yihan and went to meet boyfriend. Bused 109 to sengkang and went to bryan's house to meet him, ivana and zhenwei. Had mac delivery, ate and then bused 27 to airport. We actually studied there uh, Ivana was teaching me chinese and I sound super monotone while reading the damn passage. Hohohos, I tried to memorise the English words. Boyfriend and I sent Ivana to her house afterwards because Bryan had to go to his family gathering or something. Boyfriend sent me home and that's all for today.

& I'm going to play Sims2, muahaha. :D
4 more days ♥

;♥