This blog belongs and is designed by Me
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♥Wednesday 21 March 2012♥ @ 11:40 pm
Dear E,
I'm feeling rather terrible inside because it just seems like you're ignoring me. You won't reply to my tweets but you would reply to others. Why. Congratulations to you because you have again, succeeded to make me feel like the biggest fool ever, to keep trying to talk to you when I have already had failed countless times. Once bitten twice shy, as the saying goes. I guess for me, I've already been bitten a thousand time. I know it doesn't matter a slightest bit to you, but it means a whole lot to me. You'll never understand how I'm feeling because you're just one insensitive creature but that's your nature, I can't blame you. Perhaps, it's just me, comparing you when we were still together and the you now, who doesn't really give a fuck about me. I miss you, the old you.And again, times and times I cry so terribly because of you. Yesterday was because I just felt so insignificant, and you wouldn't even talk to me. I kept questioning myself why, was it something I did, or was it something I said? I hate you, when you do this to me. I hate you, when you won't look at me, I hate you when you don't notice me at all.. And the feeling sucks so much, that I just want it to end, because it's tearing me apart, bits by bits. Really. Like my heart is being ripped apart. Once, I thought all these were just phrases that people use to exagerate, but now after experiencing a break-up myself, i realized that all these so-called love, break-up quotes and sayings are real. The pain, both physical and emotional pain, are really real because I can really feel it.The despair and hopelessness and helplessness that I feel everyday can never seem to go away. Seeing you talking to other girls and all reminded me of how you once used to talk to me everyday, everynight. Because I was once important to you, a person whom you cared for so much, a person whom you genuinely wanted in your life. It was all so simple then. But now, you've kicked me away and locked me out of your heart. But I still fight on, without a clue. Why am I still hanging on, onto this piece of thread which may snap anytime. All these while, these past 6 months, I hung on and i believed that one day it will all make sense to you, until you realized how much you'll miss me. Perhaps I should just go away, and you'll miss my presence because perhaps the reason why you're avoiding me is because i'm always here. And thus, you're in control. Like a puppet, i feel, to your beck and call. But I can't help it, I don't wanna risk the chance of offending you, or losing you even as a friend. You're just so important to me, why can't you see that E. Why can't you see that, perhaps it will all work out once more this time round..? I'm still waiting like a fool as usual. A year more to go, perhaps then you'll be more free and have time, perhaps for me. Never do I ever want to see you with someone else, I'd kill myself if that happens one day. By the end of march, it will be a year since I first had feelings for you.. Time flies, yeah they do. And do you know what is the saddest thing? It is that no matter how slow I'm walking away from you, you'll never run back to me. Because you have your back turned against me and you can no longer see me.
♥Sunday 18 March 2012♥ @ 10:55 pm
Dear E,
How are you? It has been a month since I've last wrote in this blog. My birthday has already passed by. The sad truth is, I was hoping and expecting something from you. Because of ll the things I've done for you, all the things ive bought for you, I just wanted something, from you.. Perhaps encouraging me and remind me that you are here for me, would be the best birthday gift ever. But. No, there was nothing at all. I bet, you had even forgotten. Because this is how things are, and how insignificant I am to you. It hurts, a lot. Actually. Sometimes I wish we would chat. Wish you'll initiate a conversation with me y'knw. Because I feel like a fool who waits here hoping you'll see me and notice me. The other day I felt sick and I even tweeted. I bet you saw it because you replied someone else's tweet before mine. I was hoping you'd.care.. Can't you see me? And fuck, I've waited for 6 months already but truthfully, nothing has changed. My feelings, they are still here. My smiles may fool myself but my heart doesn't. It clearly knows what it wants, what it is longing for. You. Why can't you see, that you are so important to me. Doesn't it suffice? Every single fucking day, you are on my fucking mind without fail. Every. Single. Day. For the past 6 moths after the break up. Every night I think, I hope, I cry, I believe and I waited. How long more do you want me to go on like this. No wait, how long more do I want myself to feel like this.. It all ends up to this , why can't i still let you go.. Why E, why.