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I'm really gonna go crazy.

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Dear blog,


I've been dancing like everday for this week. Tomorrow imma gna go for dance again. Tiring but I likey (Y)

Because it distracts me from you
Because it causes me to forget
But F, I still get jealous.

I can do this, I will be able to live normally again. Although it will definitely take some time, I trust my heart will let you go, someday. Cause now, my feelings diminish little by little whenever I feel unhappy and jealous and everything over what you do. It's a good thing for you isn't it? But the problem is that I will have to get hurt again and again and again. It's tough seriously. So why are you living happily and not getting hurt when I am the only one feeling all these shit. Sighs. (And I know after blogging this, someone is going think 'serve you right', but I don't give a F shit about what you think anymore) So yah.

Sometimes, that scent just appears and it reminds me of you.

;♥

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Today is the 12th of August. Do you remember what happened a month ago?

I just read something which caused me to feel just so .. so sad.
I was just another girl, without a single bit of specialness to you.
Sighs.

;♥

Dear blog.


By indulging myself with games, I was able to forget.
Hence, I played for the whole day, everyday.

;♥

안녕 다이어리,

내 가슴을 아프게 한 그대를 잊지 못해
내 마음을 슬프게 한 그대를 지울 수 없어
바보처럼 잊지 못한 내 사랑
혹시라도 그대 돌아올까 떠나질 못해

It was nice to see you 2 months ago.

;♥

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Don't know why I'd cried.
Just that my feelings broke out after anchoring them inside my heart.
I was going to be alright, but after today, my heart is wounded again.
I still think of you every night before I go to bed.
I still think of you whenever I walk past places of us.
Don't know why, it just happens.

Cause you said everything was fine a month ago.

12:02AM 8th August
Don't know why,
But my heart really hurts now.
Longing for something that I'll never have.
I really have no mood for anything now.
It's like i've traveled back in time, to the time like a month ago.
My feelings now, they are so exact ..

;♥

Dear blog,


I'm not planning to sleep tonight. It's already 3am. So ya.

I know, I am trying too.
Because you're not me, so you don't know how I feel.

;♥

Dear blog,


Just when I thought I was okay, I had to dream of us. With me crying and us hugging.
Damn you dreams.

;♥

Dear blog,


Now I seriously need to rant. I seriously cannot take those F nonsenses of hers.

Today after maths tutorial, a quarrel broke out between Julian and I with Yanjean. Because of the SWP project. I seriously cannot tolerate YJ's attitude and crap. Julian and I were supposed to write the report while yj and wini were supposed to do the poster. So it's like whatever Julian and I did, spent nights not sleeping just to finish that report, she totally like edited it and practically writing everything again herself. Like wtf. & today, she changed the whole abstract and conclusion portion and obviously the abstract was wrong. The conclusion part, I didn't wanna say anything bout it. So because the abstract was wrong, julian had to rewrite whatever she and I wrote previously because we did not have the previous copy anymore. With only 2 hrs to spare, (to come up with a very good abstract, that's pretty hard) she had to crack her brains to remember what we wrote. Then we realised that YJ was also writing the abstract as well, F. So Julian went to ask why was she writing the abstract as well. Then the quarrel started. I went in and asked them to shut up, then YJ fucking yelled at me, so we were yelling like each other. KNN. Julian then said she wasn't going to continue with the abstract anymore and told YJ to do it. THEN YJ JUST FUCKING SHUT DOWN HER LAPTOP AND THREW THE WHOLE MESSED-UP SHIT TO US AND LEFT. So poor us, we had to chiong everything.

It's not like we want to quarrel with her. It's her attitude, her fucking attitude. You know, she said that Julian and I DID NOT DO ANYTHING, were NOT RESPONSIBLE, and WERNT COOPERATIVE and all these shit. Like HELLOOO? She claimed she came up with the idea, told us what to write. The problem is that that fucking idea, she just concluded that we were gna use her idea and ordered us to collect rainwater, just like that. WITHOUT ANY DISCUSSION because Julian and I had no freaking clue that the project changed and were told to just collect rainwater. So okay we did, we FOLLOWED what she said. And because of her CHANGING the project as and when she liked, without tell us, our whole project is wrong and she BLAMED us because we were gna fail . Even if we were to voice out, she would just turn on her emo/PMS mode. For the IMB, we were suppose to invent something. So for her group, just because her members founded her ideas unrealistic and did not want to choose her ideas, she went EMO MODE and attituded people. SEE HOW TO COOPERATE WITH HER. Because she INSISTS of doing things her own way. Argh.

Julian and I wrote the report, but she fucking changed it. WE DID SOMETHING, but she on the other hand, did not. Wini did the poster and the slides by herself while YJ only EDITED. That's her "EVERYTHING IS I DO ONE" And that editing part is so getting on my nerves, it's like every single thing we wrote, she had to edit like she fucking don't trust us, like whatever we wrote are bull shit and nonsensical. F you. When we had our presentation, she demanded that she wanna edit our scripts. Yah, and you know what, she edited until it made no sense, canceling all our important points and made ours so brief and hers with alot of details. You know why? Because each of us only had a maximum of 2 mins to speak, so if ours were shorten, she could have had more time to say her portion. That's her editing, which was unnecessary and her way of saying that she contributed ALOT to this proj. Go die please.

Seriously man, we are still grouping with her for the National Education Proj. Idk what will happen next. SIGHS.

;♥

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Walked past the place where we broke up today.
It feels so surreal

;♥

Dear blog,





I'm still sick, shit. My stupid fever ain't going away. Don't know if I can go sch tomorrow.

Then I got hit in the face by reality again.

It's heartbreaking that you don't care when you said you would.
My thoughts are just flowing in and out, in and out.
Just that I miss you. It has been 20 days already.
Don't you miss me, even a slightest bit?
Everyday I'd have to make myself believe that we are just friends.
"Take care and rest well my friend"
At that moment, reality hit me so hard that I actually cried.
I know you are trying to remind me that we are no longer together.
But I really don't know why, my heart refuses to let go.
This hope of you returning one day has been anchored deep inside my heart.
& now I can no longer do anything about it.

My life's all gloomy now.
I lost a love one, and I lost a friend.
A friend who did not meant what he had said.

I'm making my brother worry, it seems like he is the only one who knows that I'm not okay.
Sorry blog, for not having any happy posts for the past month. Just that you have become a place where I can express most of my hidden feelings without fearing that he'd see. But I promise you blog, that someday eeniamrahc.bs will be back like it used to be.

I hope.

;♥