With you being not contactable during these 4 days, I hope I can learn to just let go. I know now, words from me aren't much of a support to you unlike the past, where you'll hope to get my message before you head out so that it'll encourage you to fight on the life in army. And what about you looking forward to the weekend because it'll be the only time where we'll meet up and hang out till late. I remember you saying that this helped you to pass army life easier. Where is us now. Though I still try and encourage you everytime you book in by texting, I guess it's kinda useless, ain't it. You don't need it, you don't even appreciate it.

Walking home now, brings me to tears as heartache sets it. It brings me back to that night where I held your hands and believed that I wanna' be together with you so badly. That moment where everything felt so right, as we walked through that long path home together. Memories, yeah they are the past. I'm a past, while some others are a continuation. Why can't I be a continuation to you? Am I that bad? Am I too lousy a standard to you?

Heavy heart, but what can I do.

I'm sad, angry, hurt, disappointed, jealous. But you know what? I'll put on a smile and move on. It'll hurt but I will survive.

Dear E,

I guess you must be really annoyed with me, for constantly bugging you. But I just.. wanna' talk to you. I think I've told you before, I'm too dependent on you and I cannot imagine my life without you. There's a theory that if you remained friends with the person you were once with after a break up, then you were never really in love. But, to me, I cannot imagine you ignoring me and not caring about me. Because, you mean so much to me.

And now, I feel so dead. My heart has stopped, my eyes has no more soul in it. I cannot just think of what I want, it's plain stupid and selfish. I really lost the strength and motivation to go on. It just feel like we broke up yesterday. The nightmare is coming back. Crying and venting. Scars on my arm, getting deeper as time passes. Why, I ask myself. Why am I doing this to myself? To get your attention? I don't know. I don't know what's going through my mind, I'm just typing down as my mind talks. Why have I turned out to be like this. Why did I even turn into this girl whom I myself, am afraid of. I need to back off, I need to hide, need to run away. Somewhere, where I can contain my feelings without being a fool, without letting you know. I'm supposed to be okay, I was supposed to let you go. I promised you, but somehow I really can't.

Just by seeing you the other day, already tore my insides. Knowing you that you are out with her, kills me. I rather kill myself. It's just so suffocating, to be here, constantly waiting for something I clearly know won't happen.

What happened to me.

I'm going crazy

Today I finally gathered my courage to ask you if you would like to watch a movie with me. You are the apple of my eye. A movie whereby people telling me previously to watch with someone special, and I thought of you. I gathered my courage, really I did. But I guess I was a little too late. You just watched it with her today, just the two of you. (':

I should have gotten used to it by now, but why am I so affected and still feeling sad. I mean, you have the rights to fall in love with others, find someone who is and will be so much better than me. But why am I restricting you unintentionally? I'm sorry. I have no rights to interfere with whoever you choose to go on a date with and to be together with. I'm just suppose to give you my well wishes and watch you leaving with her, in pain, that's all.

I'm just sad.

I can't help but to think that you've already have someone else, who has successfully replaced me. Then again, looking at myself in the mirror, I know why. Yes I know I'm neither pretty enough or nice enough or whatever. I know that very well myself. It just demoralizes me even more.

Yesterday I cried. All those emotions that I've been suppressing for the past month, they were so overwhelming. Just a simple thought of you, and a simple concern from you tears me into pieces. Because simply, I miss the times when you cared so much about me. It made me feel like I have nothing to fear because I know you will be beside me. Remember when I got down with high fever and was home alone, you rushed all the way down to my place because you were worried. And in the end, you fell asleep beside me, and I looked at the sleeping you and I simply smiled to myself because I really felt so blessed. That moment, I'll never forget really.

Now with my fractured finger, I really wish you would accompany me to the hospital, one more time.

I miss you, and I miss us.

And that girl, she's so lucky...

I don't know why I would ask you that even, maybe because I'm really going crazy now at this point, at this moment of time. I really miss you, and seeing happy couples around me almost everyday, I can't help but to feel sad. Really, what's wrong with me..

Finger is bruised badly, swelling and I can barely move it. Rotten luck. ):

Everything's not going smoothly, I'm gonna' break down again if this continues. Sighs.

I missed you today, till I cried in school because I really couldn't contain the feelings within. I tried to text you, but you seem uninterested as usual. What can I do. I really wish you could take care of me again, like how you did, when I had a high fever. That feeling to know there is someone there for me, that feeling, it's so sweet and I felt so blessed. I just missed us again.

I'm gna sing happy ending for the auditions this coming wednesday. I really love the lyrics:

Exactly.

i really really really really miss you. ):

2 months have passed, just like that. But why am I still here, missing you and thinking about you? Everytime, I'd experience a sudden realization of truth. That you'll never want me back and I feel like a fool for even thinking that maybe, you'll like me once again. How stupid of me, seriously.

Never would I have thought that we would break up, that a day like that would ever arrive. I believed. Believed in you, myself and us. Believed so much that we are right for each other. But no, you gave up in the end because you found it suffocating. I loved you too much to let you go, but it hurt me even more when you said that you were not genuinely happy when we were together. That moment of disappointment, realization, sadness and hurt. That was what that made me decide to let you go because really, I never ever want to. I would hold on to us, no matter how tiring it may be, because you made me believe. But in the end, you made me fall and stumble onto the ground. I can never get back up onto my feet fully now. A great deal of hurt in fact.

Yes, we'll never know if we don't try. And yes that I should be appreciative that we did have had gotten together once. But now it just makes me crave for the past even more. I crave for your attention, I hate it when you ignore me all of a sudden. It makes me feel so unwanted by you. Selfish much, I know but I can't help it. But then again, what can I do? Nothing.

What's the use of crying when you won't be the one who'd wipe them away.

What's the use of waiting when you won't be running back to me.

What's the use of hoping when there's nothing left for me to hope for.

What's the use of being here, when you're not even there.

What's the use of being so nice to you when you broke my heart.

What's the use of wishing that you'd talk to me when there are so many other girls out there for you.

What's the use of watching you from afar when you wouldn't give me a second look?

What's the use of liking you, and getting sad every single time..?

Tell me.